When Stuff revealed to me the interview subject of this piece, I was shocked and genuinely intimidated.
How could I interview someone of such advanced intellect that he often seems utterly incompetent, a person bursting with talents so unique that to the untrained eye he appears to be a rank amateur at everything he attempts, a man with hair so flawed that it boggles the mind that he has made a career of modeling?
That’s right, Stuff readers— I, Jason Godfrey, have been tasked with interviewing myself, Jason Godfrey.
Stuff (JG): Let’s not waste time. People want to know, how geeky are you?
JG: Straight to the point! Look, I know being a geek has come into favour recently. It’s as cool to own up to being a geek as it is to rock a shaggy unkempt beard that looks like a nesting site for sparrows, but I’m sorry to disappoint you, I can’t grow such a beard and I am not a geek.
Stuff (JG): You’re not? Are you sure?
Jason Godfrey: I model, host, and write for work. In my spare time, I dive shipwrecks and climb mountains, does that sound geeky to you?
Stuff (JG): Maybe not on the surface. But don’t you have tens of thousands of baseball cards and comic books ranging from the Thundercats to Peter Porker the Spectacular Spider-Ham.
JG: Well, sure when I was a kid I collected that stuff and kept most of it. Thundercats is a classic now and really, Spider-Ham is yet to be rediscovered as a brilliant satirical take on the Spider-Man franchise. Give it time.
Stuff (JG): What about reports that for the entirety of your grade nine year in high school you were obsessed with Star Trek: The Next Generation, even fantasizing about what it would be like to don a one piece jumpsuit and be Wesley Crusher (played by Wil Wheaton?
JG: How do you know about that?
Stuff (JG): I have my sources.
JG: (Pausing) Again, I don’t know what bearing my alleged love of Star Trek: TNG has to do with anything.
Stuff (JG): Pfft! Alleged. You once stated that your character in Mata Mata was based on studying Jonathan Frakes’ William Riker in Star Trek: TNG.
JG: I don’t remember saying that.
Stuff (JG): I remember, how would you know who Jonathan Frakes was since he did absolutely nothing after his stint on Star Trek?
JG: Anyway, that was a long time ago, even if I did like Star Trek back then, things change. That would have no bearing on me being a geek now.
Stuff (JG): Do you currently read any comic books?
Stuff (JG): Then what about this Comixology account where you apparently ordered back issues of every title in the fan-maligned Marvel Ultimate Universe?
JG: It’s a realistic revisioning of the classic Marvel characters. Most of the current films were based on these comics, I was just curious.
Stuff (JG): Or your purchase of a comic named Action Philosophers that puts in comic form the lives of great thinkers like Socrates and Ayn Rand?
JG: It seemed like a good way to learn about philosophy! How do you have access to my Comixology account?!?
Stuff (JG): And you don’t think reading comics about philosophers is a sign of geek-dom?
Stuff (JG): What about your love of video games?
Stuff (JG): Yes, but a WW2 game called Company of Heroes 2? It’s not exactly a sexy first-person shooter, is it?
JG: Well, it’s strategy.
Stuff (JG): Or how about your love of the Xcom turn-based strategy series?
JG: I don’t know even know what turn-based means.
Stuff (JG): Oh you don’t? You don’t have a long love of turn-based strategy games starting with Jagged Alliance 2—a title you liked so much that you modded a version going so far as to get your father, best friend, and yourself to voice new characters for it?
JG: You can’t prove that.
Stuff (JG): And if I could, would that make you a geek?
Stuff (JG): (Pounds fist on table) Would that make you a geek?
JG: (standing up) This interview is over!