Your gaming career has been long, fruitful, sometimes glorious, and always better than mindlessly scrolling through Facebook. And yet something's missing.
Yes, your setup lacks an extremely nerdy, over-the-top and surely game-changing peripheral.
We felt the same, which is why we each picked a new, talent-compensating accessory to boost to our gaming egos, then reported back on our findings.
Here are the peripherals we treated our fingers to...
Roccat Horde Aimo (£90)
No self-respecting gamer should make do with four buttons and a couple of control sticks if they want to be king of the nerds. Fortunately, Roccat’s Horde AIMO model has more inputs than you can shake a gravity gun at.
As well as being capable of 16.8m colours, the AIMO’s keys follow a ‘membranical’ design that allows for super-responsive strokes. I’d love to say that such genius marginal gains added up for a monster Overwatch killstreak when I plugged it into my rig. Alas, I’m born incompetent when it comes to shooters.
But hey, those colours sure do look pretty. Almost every gaming keyboard comes with a rainbow-style lighting array these days, but this one reacts to your button-mashing so you needn’t programme it beforehand.
The Horde AIMO also comes with its own tuning wheel that you can customise to tweak any setting you please, from volume to brightness. Sadly, you can’t spin it for random weapon selection, but it's still a cracking keyboard.
Razer Panthera (£200)
There’s no hiding my fighting game addiction with one of these on my lap. Razer’s chunky arcade stick is a bit of a brute, but it’s perfect Street Fighter fodder, with arcade-perfect buttons sourced straight from Japan and a joystick purpose-built for throwing knockout hadoukens.
I’ve been able to pull off combos that I’d never dream of with my standard DualShock controller. Pop the lid and you can even customise the lot, swapping the joystick for an American-style bat-top. Could be useful if you’re one of those Mortal Kombat-mad weirdos.
Got a collection of fighting games from last generation? Flip a switch and this PS4 stick will play nicely with any PS3 console – or you can plug it into a PC to play old-school arcade classics. There’s room inside the box to hide the long USB cable too, while a handy colour-coded wire diagram lets modders swap out the Sanwa Denshi buttons and joystick.
Steelseries Rival 600 (£80)
In professional sport, you’ll often hear elite competitors say that the first thing they think about after winning a title is the next one. I’m yet to emerge from a game of PUBG with a prestigious chicken dinner to my name, but I reckon when it happens I’ll just want more of ’em.
This marvellous mouse can only help my cause. It’s reassuringly grippy, and thanks to the dual optical sensors I know that lifting it for readjustment won’t send the cursor flying off towards the sky. With this sort of precision at my fingertips, my poultry cabinet surely won’t stay empty for long.
With 256 weight and balance combinations, this is one of the most customisable computer-tethered rodents there is. You can add any combo of the eight 4g weights, and the Rival 600’s eight customisable RGB lighting zones mean you can have the mouse cycle through a range of hues, or dazzle your eyes with a rainbow-coloured illumination.