If your name is Fido, Tibbles or Mr Kitten Paws, then congratulations: you've gained the ability to read and peruse the internet. And all without opposable thumbs.
If, on the other hand, you're the human companion to said furry friends, then this selection of the best Christmas gift ideas for animal lovers should be right up your scratching post.
We've even chucked in a few treats for your pets, so everyone's happy. Bring on the wagging tails.
Look at yourself, poring over the data from your fitness tracker all day long while the poor dog – yes, remember, you’ve got one of those – sits around in front of the telly all day long eating crisps. Put a PitPat dog activity monitor right at the top of your Christmas list and you’ll soon be hitting those running goals together.
Nerf Dog Tennis Ball Blaster (£15.99)
Seven hours into the Nerf ideas workshop, innovation was flatlining and tempers were rising. Then Ethel the tea lady tottered in, saw the blank whiteboard and thought for a second. “People like firing big plastic guns,” she said, “and dogs like chasing tennis balls. I don’t suppose there’s any way you could… no, silly me, forget I spoke. Tea, anyone?”
Tabcat (from £69.99)
A whole roast chicken has disappeared from the kitchen table and the cat hasn’t been seen since. But how can you give Jehoshaphat a stiff talking-to if you don’t know where he is? Fortunately, he’s wearing his Tabcat tracking tag – and you’ve got the directional handset that will pick up the signal and lead you straight to his drumstick-strewn lair.
Bionic Bird (€64)
We don’t need to say much about this – just watch the film on the website and you’ll want one. A natural evolution of the Tim Bird ornithopter that’s been around since the 19th century, this French invention is a biomimetic drone: looks like a real bird, flaps its wings like a real bird, performs smartphone-controlled aerobatics like a bionic bird.
Wingscapes Digital Wildlife Camera (£89.95)
They come as soon as you’re alseep. Owls, bats, foxes, hedgehogs, all sorts – and they party hard. If only you had some hard evidence, you could get the council to send them a formal warning… but how, when they’re so easily spooked? Well, you could always ask Santa for this motion-triggered, tree-mountable wildlife cam from Wingscapes. It does video and 8MP stills.
Tractive GPS XL Pet Tracker (£74.99)
You’d think it’d be impossible to lose a dog that’s the size of a horse but if your hound has a habit of joining in Grand Nationals you can easily find it at the finish line with the help of Tractive’s XL GPS tracker, which is designed for bigger-boned pets. It’s hard wearing and fully waterproof, plus you can even use it on larger animals such as cows, although we wouldn’t fancy Daisy’s chances in the race.