In some of the least shocking news of the year, the press is full of reports that…get this…Oasis's Liam and Noel Gallagher don't like each other. In fact, they haven't spoken in months.
But more interestingly, for one of the most Luddite the brothers have become surprisingly tech savvy. Noel Gallager's become a prolific blogger while his lairy little brother Liam has taken his battle with Noel to Twitter.
Though Liam's shown himself to be forward thinking by embracing Twitter, he could do with a few pointers. Here's 5 tips for him on how to win his Twitter feud.
1 Keep the true bitterness to direct messages
If your Twitter feed is unlocked, anyone can read it. Think carefully about what you're willing to broadcast publicly. If you must use Twitter to further your feud, restrict truly vitriolic sentiments to direct messages.
Direct Messages will be kept between you and your nemesis. To write a direct message either press the DM button in your Twitter client or stick a "d" at the front of your message.
2 Don't send barrages of tweets
Sending a stream of tweets about why you hate your brother's idiotic eyebrows or propensity to use Union Jack guitars might make you feel better but it'll irritate your followers. Keep your messages brief and break them up with other interesting content. Maybe tell us about your new fashion label or what it's like to be married to an All Saint. Average, we'd guess.
3 Include other sympathetic tweeters in @replies
If you know there are other people who agree with your opinion of your nemesis and their antics, get them involved. Strength in numbers works on Twitter too.
4 Make sure your message is clear
Avoid @liamgallagher's bizarre approach to arguments. If you don't make your issues with your enemy clear, people won't understand why they should be on your side. Liam's tweets are just confusing – "Just seen photos of the fool on the bill, outside some kebab house". Twitter is a window into your world, keep it clear! Maybe mention the fact that your sibling hasn't written a truly great song since The Masterplan and that he has terrible form when it comes to picking wives and naming kids…oh…on second thoughts people in glass houses and all that.
5 Know when to end the feud or take it to the real world
At some point you're going to have to face up to your rival in real life. For most people this will be in the office or in the local pub. In the case of Liam, this is likely to be on stage at a huge festival. Just have a big scrap and have done with it. You'll give Gordon Smart in The Sun something else to write about besides his abiding love for Kasabian.
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