You again? Back for another weekend's worth of impeccable advice on what to do?
Well lucky for you we're well prepared, with something for everyone here.
For those of you who always assume the worst is going to happen when you leave the house, we've got reason aplenty to stay indoors: Battlefield Hardline on your console, Airplane! on the telly and Gunbrick on your phone.
And for those of you are itching to step outside, we'd recommend heading to London's Covent Garden for the Bond In Motion anniversary exhibition. After all, you'll never have a better opportunity to pose with an Aston Martin.
GAME TO PLAY: BATTLEFIELD HARDLINE
Let us be very clear: Battlefield Hardline is not Battlefield 5. Opting away from the frontlines of war and instead heading into the mean streets of the city, Hardline is an extreme take on cops and robbers. You'll be given the opportunity to play on both sides, which will change your objectives in situations such as heist missions where you'll either be the robbers commiting the crime, or the police trying to save the day.
You'll be given plenty of chances to decide how you would deal with situations, whether that be to go in all-guns-blazing or to use your badge and shout "FREEZE!". Obviously you'll choose the former, if only because trying the latter against a load of trigger-happy 14 year olds is never going to end well.
Get it on PS4/XBOX One/PS3/XBOX 360/PC this Friday
5 MINUTE HACK: SUPERCHARGE YOUR NETFLIX
Yes, even Stuff’s favourite video streaming service has room for improvement:
1 To spruce up Netflix’s web interface, install the Chrome extension Flix Plus. This fades out watched shows in your list, integrates reviews from sites such as Rotten Tomatoes and even hides episode spoilers.
2 Looking to rekindle an old-fashioned, communal telly-watching experience? Rabbit lets you share your stream and chat with up to nine friends.
3 To find out which films will be removed and added, bookmark New on Netflix or follow @NewOnNetflixUK. Its ‘Last Chance’ and ‘Coming Soon’ lists are particularly handy. Or of course you could check out our own list of the best movies and TV shows on Netflix: updated monthly for your pleasure.
DEAL OF THE WEEKEND
The problem with iPhones is that they always cost too much. WELL NOT ANY MORE.
Our painstaking trawlings of the internet (well, browsing of HotUKDeals) has turned up an iPhone 6 for £23.49 a month.
Yes, that's £23.49 a month. For an iPhone 6.
There is a catch. Well two of them actually. The first is that you'll have to pay £80 upfront (actually £100 but if you enter the code EE20DISCO it'll be reduced by £20).
The second is that you'll save so much on your monthly contract that you won't know what to do with all that extra cash and will end up cultivating a rather expensive drug habit. Sorry about that.
Apple iPhone 6 (£23.49/m + £80)
- Enter offer code EE20DISCO
- 2GB data
- 1000 minutes
- Unlimited texts
FILM TO WATCH: HYENA
After British gangster flicks got Guy Ritchie’d in the late ’90s the genre found itself in something of a rut, forever associated with Ocean Colour Scene, Vinnie Jones and that bloke off the 666Bet advert (no, not Harry Redknapp). But if Kill List gave it an injection of the occult, Hyena well and truly brings it back to life.
Peter Ferdinando plays crooked copper Michael Logan, the Alex DeLarge of his badge-carrying, cocaine-and-Carling-fuelled droogs, who are all too keen on a spot of the old ultraviolence and helping themselves to a bit off the top.
When a pair of Albanian brothers – one of whom can make eating carrot batons a masterclass in intimidation – upset the mutually beneficial status quo that Logan and co have going with a local gang, the line between cops and robbers becomes almost impossible to discern, especially when investigations begin from within the force.
It all sounds as if it might become tediously familiar but Hyena has the plot twists, pace and performances to pull it off. Then, just as the film is ready to reach the crescendo it’s been frantically building towards, it ends, as if it can no longer bear to support the weight of everything that’s gone before. For some that will spoil the experience, but for others it’ll bring blessed relief.
Stuff says ★★★★✩
APP TO DOWNLOAD: GUNBRICK
Your task, as some kind of avian courier, is to pilot heavily armed metal cubes (known as Gunbricks) and blaze your way through an obstacle course with scant regard for health and safety. Given the potential for frustration, Gunbrick only occasionally outstays its welcome, with a combination arcade/puzzle section that’s a bit too testing for the controls.
Overall, it's an original, zany and bold game, and a mash-up of genres that really works.
Stuff says ✭✭✭✭✩
Buy Gunbrick on Android (£1.99)
Buy Gunbrick on iOS (£2.29)
ALBUM TO LISTEN TO: MODEST MOUSE / STRANGERS TO OURSELVES
EVENT TO VISIT: BOND IN MOTION ANNIVERSARY WEEKEND
Live out your James Bond fantasies this weekend at the first anniversary celebrations for the Bond In Motion exhibition.
London's Covent Garden will play host to the Aston Martin Owners' Club and their very fine collection of Bondmobiles for the weekend, and there'll also be distinguished members of the Bond film crew and other contributors holding talks, Q&A sessions and tours inside the London Film Museum.
The standard exhibition will run as usual alongside it; a £14.50 ticket will grant you full access to the exhibition and anniversary specials.
BOOK TO READ: BRUCE SCHNEIER / DATA AND GOLIATH
Everyone knows that net surveillance exists, but few know how deep the rabbit hole goes or what to do about it. This manifesto from security expert Bruce Schneier is a laudably balanced exposé of ‘public-private surveillance’, but one that leaves you with the sense that print arguments alone will only give Goliath a paper cut.
Stuff says ★★★★✩
On Netflix: Chronicles Of Riddick
This sequel to Pitch Black finds Vin Diesel's Richard B Riddick hiding out on the Planet UV, a world lit only by ultraviolet light - meaning he continues to resemble an Oakley poster boy.
With a bounty on his head, he's forced to continually evade capture at the hands of the many mercenaries sent to collect him. Even worse, the Necromongers, a group of religious fanatics, are crossing the stars seeking converts - and killing anyone who refuses to join them.
So it's standard sci-fi fare maybe, but with plenty of action, great costumes and Karl Urban's hair all present, it's well worth a watch.
On Amazon Prime: Need For Speed
Aaron 'Breaking Bad' Paul swaps meth labs for car chases in a film very, very losely inspired by the game of the same name.
It's basically Fast And Furious with a different cast: you get numerous car chases and street races, plenty of destruction, a good modern soundtrack and a plot that's best described as 'unimportant'. Does that mean it's rubbish? Hardly! It just means you need to set aside your cynacism before watching it. After all, watching arty foreign films your whole life won't make you happy...
On Now TV: Guardians Of The Galaxy:
One of the best sci-fi flicks of the decade. That's really all you need to know.
ON TERRESTRIAL TV: AIRPLANE!
One of the most famous spoof comedy films of all time and also one of the most quotable, Airplane! is undoubtedly a classic. The film follows ex-fighter pilot Ted Striker, who after the war suffers from a very serious fear of flying. And that's where the fun starts, as Striker boards a 747 in a bid to conquer his fear.
With hilarious performances from Lesley Nielsen playing a doctor aboard the same flight, an inflatable co-pilot named Otto and NBA all-star Kareem Abdul-Jabbar as pilot Roger Murdock, this story of romance, food poisoning and surrealism is unmissable.
Watch Airplane! at 7.15pm on Saturday (21 March), Film4
THE WEEK'S MUST-READS
Not been glued to Stuff all week? We forgive you. But just look at what you've missed out on: