Have you ever found yourself awake at 1am agonising over whether to ‘take a hit’ on a ‘differential’?
Of course you have! We can see ‘reluctant Fantasy League addict’ written all over your exhausted face.
Well, the ‘good news’ is that it’s time to enter that sweet, sweet hell of picking your team for the new Premier League season all over again.
But wait, come back – the game’s irresistible mix of elements from Championship Manager, the stock market and poker doesn’t necessarily mean becoming a transfer-obsessed hermit.
We’ve put together a set of fantasy league tools that, while not technically cheating, should give you an unfair advantage over that guy who’s somehow the Mystic Meg of captaincy choices.
Rest assured, whatever decision you make, it’ll be the wrong one anyway.
(We're focusing mainly on the official Premier League game here, but most of the tools will be handy to all forms of the game)...
1) The data analyst: Fantasy Football Fix
Actually paying for help with your Fantasy League tactics feels like crossing a line, but who can put a price on bragging rights?
This site plugs your spreadsheet (and spare time) weaknesses, serving up points projections for the next five weeks, strategies for rotating players, starting line-up probabilities and other analytics that will leave you questioning your life priorities.
Sure, you might feel a bit dirty signing up for the £10 Pro Pack (a £5 Essential Pack is also available), but you know Jose Mourinho would do it.
3) The statto: Whoscored
“Football is a numbers game” has been said more times by Michael Owen than “goals wins games”. But despite how annoying his punditry may be, adopting the Moneyball approach may not be such a bad idea.
WhoScored offers every stat you could possibly want, straight from the source, from simple stuff like goals and assists, to more advanced info such as shots per game and pass success rate.
With so much raw data you should be able to predict when Rashford goes on a goal spree, so you can time your Triple Captain to perfection.
4) The magic sponge: PhysioRoom
If you’re going to win your fantasy football league you’ll need to take a risk. For example, investing in Daniel Sturridge, even though he spends more time in the physio room than on the pitch – or maybe buy a forgotten player on the cusp of a return, such as Ilkay Gundogan.
Either way, PhysioRoom will keep you updated with the latest injury news in the Prem so you can avoid relying on non-starters and time your transfers for maximum value. Because few things in life are more satisfying.
5) Terrace talk: FantasyPL subreddit
Brace yourself, we’re going in deep. If you weren’t aware of the lengths people will go to win their fantasy football league, then this subreddit will fill you in.
Prepare to wade through tables of ‘4.5 keeper options’, lists of ‘pre-season bandwagons’ and endless debates about the relative merits of Alvaro Morata.
Of course, we say all this in a dismissive tone, full in the knowledge that we’ll have it bookmarked and ready for a daily visit when the season starts.
6) The chief scout: FPL Price Changes+
How many times have you been 0.1m short of your perfect team, and then thrown your laptop out of the window?
Some crucial cash can be saved by timing your player transfers before they reach critical mass and get a price rise. Following this Twitter account for alerts that’ll make sure you’re always one step ahead of the transfer bandwagon.
Visit FPL Price Changes or follow on Twitter @FPLPriceChanges
7) The armband analyser: FPL Statistico
When the season’s up and running, this site will help compare how many points you could have won if you’d just captained your vice captain and how successful that last-minute transfer was.
Sure, it feels more like an exercise in self-flagellation, but if it steers you towards some more sensible captaincy choices, it’ll be time well spent. If time playing fantasy league football can ever be 'well spent'.
It's down right now, but we expect it to be going again once the season's kicked off and we're already 14th in our work league.