It’ll keep you fit
It’s expected to sell a massive six million copies in its first week, so don’t be surprised when your rock up at Woolworths to find the GTA IV point–of–sale destroyed like a Liberty City nightspot. Still, miss out and you can jog round every games emporium in your area to hunt one down, Niko–style, until you get rid of your paunch. Who said gaming was bad for you?
It’ll improve your social life
You might think GTA IV spells the end of your relationship and casual pub visits. And you’d be right. Still, the game itself is chock full of opportunities to hang out. Watch Ricky Gervais do some comedy, go drinking with your fellow immigrants, speak to strangers on the street and call mates using the in game mobile network. Real friends suck anyway.
It’ll help you find love
Multiplayer is GTA IV’s big selling point. But seeing as you won’t be leaving the house until you complete the darn thing (three months minimum), you might as well use Xbox Live to your advantage. Hell, there was an even an Xbox wedding last month. Basically, GTA IV is going to set you up for life.
It’ll bulk up your CV
Ok, as well as your personal life, GTA IV is going to ruin your career. But never fear. You can just work in the game instead. Work in a lawyer’s office (you’ll have to murder one of the partners mind) or get your combat skills up to speed thanks to improved fighting. Either way, you can tell future employers myriad game–based lies about your background.
It’ll make you a better driver
There won’t be time to drive to Tesco for the weekly shop once you’ve loaded the game up. But your driving skills will definitely improve, thanks to more realistic behind–the–wheel action. No more careering round corners, San Andreas style here. It’ll be harder to handle your motor, but far more rewarding when you pull off that drive–by.
It’ll let you kick it with the rich and famous
GTA’s always been about killer cameos, and the latest instalment is no different. Following in the footsteps of Phil Collins, Ice T and, er, Danny Dyer are the aforementioned Gervais and, bizarrely, Karl Lagerfeld. At least when you meet celebs in game you won’t have to deal with petulant hissy fits, needless minders and preening for sub–standard weekly rags. Good times.