Iconic movie happy endings that weren’t happy at all
These aren’t the loose end tie-up endings you’re looking for - here's a selection of endings that aren't quite what they seem
We all love films with happy endings, don’t we? The hero vanquishes the big bad and rides into the sunset. The underdog uses the power of self-belief to overcome adversity. The slumdog becomes a millionaire. Feel-good finales offer a glimpse of hope, positivity and a streaming-based escape from a dreary world of council tax bills, replacement bus services and microwaved fish in the office.
However, much like Ben and Elaine realising their reckless abandonment of their expectations and responsibilities on that bus before the credits roll on The Graduate, many protagonists soon come to realise everything isn’t as hunky-dory as they once thought. Those dastardly villains may be six feet under, and the bullies might have had a very public comeuppance, but when the dust has settled, everything’s still in an ominshambolic mess.
With that in mind, let’s chuck away those rose-tinted glasses, hold our loved ones tightly, and unleash the ugly crying at these good endings in films that were anything but happy.
Kingsman: The Secret Service (2014)
Matthew Vaughn’s Kingsman was a refreshing if not OTT action spectacle that paid homage to the iconic Bond films of yesteryear. By the end credits, our hero Eggsy has eliminated Big Mac-snaffling Richmond Valentine and slipped effortlessly into his new secret sartorial vocation.
However, there’s still the matter of practically every person on Earth who tried to unalive each other thanks to Valentine’s violence-inducing brain signal, disseminated through his free phone SIM cards. In fact, super sleuth Eggsy is going to have a rough time stabilizing the planet from significant civil unrest, particularly as the world leaders, in cahoots with Valentine’s villainous plan, all have a case of missing head syndrome. And, with practically everyone with a phone engaged in a murderous rampage during the thrilling finale, it’s a fair bet there’d be global mass casualties.
In short, it’s going to be very awkward in the office on Monday, knowing that you tried to go for June from accounts with a stapler.
Snowpiercer (2013)
A sci-fi thriller about class doesn’t get any more on the nose than a train hurtling across a frozen Earth, with the mega-rich luxuriating in the forward carriages and the poor “Tailies” huddled in masses at the rear. However, Tailie Curtis has had enough, sparking a revolution that decimates lives on both sides. His actions earn him a meet and greet with trainmaster Wilford, where he learns the revolutions are always planned, culling the populace so that the need for resources can fall back into balance. And after seeing the human cost of it all, he sacrifices himself so that two children, Yona and Timmy, get a fresh start in the world outside.
As our heroes predicted, the world can sustain life again, as evidenced by a passing polar bear, and the film ends with the kids taking tentative first steps in the snow. Which is likely humanity’s end, as the children, humankind’s last survivors, have no food and haven’t known a life outside the train, now have to fend for themselves in an ice age. And when you realise polar bears have a rep for hunting humans, braving that sticky aisle seat might have been the safer option.
Back to the Future (1985)
Teen gets sent back in time, takes on the school bully, teaches his dad the power of self-confidence and friendzones his mother, who has the hots for him. Stop us if you’ve heard this one before. One of the most timeless (wey) and iconic films of the 80s, we fell in love with BTTF thanks to its original story, lovable leads and scintillating set pieces.
After landing in 1955, slacker Marty McFly needs to find a way home while navigating a strange, old decade, school bully Biff Tannen and the unholiest of love triangles. By convincing a younger Doc Brown to help him, he finally succeeds in returning to 1985.
Except, all isn’t quite right with this new timeline — changed family, changed house, new Biff. By empowering his once-cowardly pops into knocking out Tannen 30 years ago, George becomes a changed man, free from his chicken-hearted ways and now a successful writer.
And with that, Marty moonwalks into a different life, with a family he barely knows (and vice versa) and a lifetime of memories that likely don’t tally up with real life anymore. Plus, if my son turned out looking a little too much like an old friend of my wife’s, I’d be asking some questions.
Kill Bill: Volume 1 & 2 (2003 & 2004)
By the end of Kill Bill’s double… bill, Beatrix Kiddo, aka The Bride, has cut a bloody swathe through the US and Japan, leaving a trail of bodies in her wake as she rescues her daughter and takes out jilted lover Bill.
You could argue that Bill and his posse had their fates set in stone after shooting her in the head and massacring her wedding party. So the moment she awakens from her coma and speaks to a certain man from Japan about a samurai sword, we’re with her on her journey of revenge.
However, you can’t just wipe out the Deadly Viper Assassination Squad and the Tokyo Yakuza without incurring the wrath of a thousand assassins and loyalists on their payrolls. The Bride will surely be watching over her shoulder from this day to her last. At the very least, the door is open for Nikkia, daughter of the late Vernita Green, to enact retribution after witnessing Beatrix kill her mother in front of her eyes. Interestingly, it’s a story that auteur Quentin Tarantino has confirmed could happen if there ever were a third instalment in this violent duology. Kill Bride? We’d watch it…
Monsters, Inc. (2001)
Monsters, Inc. is the energy company of Monstropolis and has for eons been responsible for things that go bump in the night. The firm teleports trained scarers to children’s bedrooms, eliciting fearful screams, bottling them up for electricity to keep the lights on.
However, after falling energy harvests, top scarer Sully discovers human laughter is a far more potent energy source than fear, leading Monsters, Inc. to drastically change how it works.
If you want to make enemies, try to change something, said a former US president Woodrow Wilson. The monster status quo aren’t going to take this news lying down, as those who have trained their whole lives to scare aren’t going to take kindly to this drastic new direction, with endless debates, protests and disorder likely to befall Monstropolis. And there’s no way career scarers are suddenly going to step aside to play second fiddle to their more comedic colleagues.
Additionally, with the fear of monsters dispelled, it’ll only invite children’s curiosity even further, perhaps leading to more and more humans contaminating the monster world. Surely a disaster for a populace ironically terrified of homo sapiens.
Avengers: Endgame (2019)
Marvel fans witnessed one of the most epic cinematic experiences in recent years, as the Avengers reunited to undo the Thanos snap that dusted half the galaxy’s inhabitants. With Cap proving himself worthy, Iron Man’s sacrifice play and The Hulk finally discovering his purpose, Endgame was a fist-pumping conclusion to the Infinity Saga.
Still, we’re sure insurance adjusters and census takers aren’t thrilled with our heroes’ antics. After all, reviving half the world’s population is bound to cause headaches, what with compound interest debts, partners who have moved on, and house ownership just a few problems returnees now face after instantly being unalived and brought back without even knowing they’d gone.
Plus, imagine the catastrophic disasters when half the world’s train drivers, airplane pilots and drivers suddenly turn to dust while on the clock. Spare a thought also for Steve Rogers, who takes a well-deserved leave of absence and reunites with Peggy Carter in the 40s. Yet with his knowledge of events to come, does he attempt to stop every killing, terrorist attack and natural disaster from his time until ours? And should he? That’s a moral quandary even America’s greatest hero would struggle with.
Whiplash (2014)
Damien Chazelle’s intense drama about a jazz drummer striving to be the best is a cautionary tale about the true cost of greatness. When Andrew Neiman joins Terence Fletcher’s conservatory studio band, it leads him down a destructive path, harming his relationships and wellbeing. Fletcher goes out of his way to emotionally and physically break Neimann, motivating him to do nothing but practice.
When tensions boil over in a violent altercation, both are kicked out of music school. Still, they bury the hatchet and work together again at a jazz festival, but when an attempt to humiliate Neiman gives him the fire to deliver the performance of a lifetime, he finally earns Fletcher’s respect.
But, despite clinching worldwide renown, Neiman is back in his toxic cycle again, likely foregoing anyone or anything that made him happy, his chance for a normal life shattered and sacrificed for perfection. Worse yet, Fletcher will feel vindicated in his methods, emboldening him to revert to his cruel tutelage to chase the next true talents, leaving many broken souls who didn’t pass muster by the wayside.
The Truman Show (1998)
Truman Burbank lives a seemingly idyllic life in Seahaven with wife Meryl, but he’s the unwitting star of a reality TV show watched by billions. Enclosed in a massive set with thousands of cameras watching his every move, his friends, neighbours and family members are all actors in on the con. However, a stolen encounter with a mysterious woman drives him to seek the truth, sailing to the end of his world and nearly drowning in the process. When confronted by The Director, he’s given a choice: continue living a life free from harm on set, or leave for the unknown horrors of the real world.
Naturally, he takes the exit — straight into years, if not decades, of therapy. His entire life has been a meaningless lie, adopted by the studio from an unwanted pregnancy, with the entirety of his life meticulously planned by others. He’s also not even close to suddenly dealing with the fact that he’s a mega celebrity in the outside world, and will be hounded by the press and paparazzi more than a drunk, sweary member of the Royal Family spilling out of a nightclub.
Ferris Bueller’s Day Off (1986)
When teen slacker Ferris Bueller feigns illness from school, he embarks on a day of adventures most would struggle to achieve in a month of Sundays — joyriding in a stolen Ferrari, exploring the sights of Chicago, attending a 3-hour baseball game, eating at a fancy restaurant and dancing in a parade. By the end of his spontaneous truancy, he sprints home and gets caught by the suspicious Principal Rooney, but is saved at the last minute by sister Jeannie, who subtly threatens the headteacher when she discovers his wallet in the household after illegally snooping earlier.
Life goes on, but Ferris learns absolutely nothing, while those around him get in line behind him or suffer under his supernaturally good luck. With no consequences and nary a slap on the wrist to his name, this teen can continue his shenanigans and masterful manipulations, emboldened by more and more outlandish acts, all on a whim. A principal’s professional life is likely in tatters, and he inadvertently unleashes a home invasion and a criminal record on his sister. Still, all’s well for dear ol’ Ferris, who arguably spends a lifetime of excess carpe diem-ing, giving little thought to those caught in the crossfire.
Ghost (1990)
Ghost has earned its rep as an iconic 90s love film. Still, it has much to answer for, notably putting the frighteners on us with its depictions of shadows dragging bad ‘uns to the underworld, while its infamous clay-based love scene set the pottery industry back decades.
Sam and Molly are a loved-up New York couple, but tragedy strikes when the pair are mugged, culminating in Sam’s murder. And it transpires that the crime is far more sinister, with best friend Carl needing Sam’s banking creds to launder drug money. Thankfully, Sam finds a way to interrupt the scheme and protect Molly from an increasingly desperate Carl, before reappearing before her paramour’s eyes, his unfinished business closed and ready to be beamed up to the good place.
However, it’s a missed opportunity for the couple to shore up their relationship arrangements. Should Molly wait for Sam, becoming a celibate spinster until her last days? Should Sam sit tight in the afterlife, turning down scores of heavenly singletons?
This miscommunication is all it takes for either partner to reunite in the undying lands with a new squeeze in tow, leading to an eternity of bad blood. It’s the afterlife equivalent of Love Island — expecting to reconnect with your love, then finding out they’ve recoupled after a stint in Casa Amor.
Matt Ng
