Over 6,000 people backed this new BlackBerry wannabe and I think they’re all mad
Wish the iPhone had never happened and that phones still had tiny physical keyboards? Then your luck’s in with the Unihertz Titan 2 Elite, you massive weirdo
Look, I get it. Some people really like tactile, physical keyboards. Heck, I like tactile, physical keyboards. I’m writing this column on one. But when I see movies with ‘futuristic’ tech, featuring people tapping away on glass keyboards – especially see-through vertical ones – my teeth itch. That’s not the case with smartphones though. Because the best thing that happened to them was the iPhone ditching a physical keyboard and letting the device become the app running on it. Which is why the Titan 2 Elite is a source of bafflement to me.
If you’ve not stumbled across this BlackBerry wannabe, it’s the latest from Unihertz. The older Titan 2 desperately wanted to be a BlackBerry Passport, but this one backs away from a design intent on stabbing you with sharp corners. Instead, its dinky form and squareish screen are softened by curvy bits. It’s light, relatively affordable ($389 or $479 for the ‘Pro’, depending how much grunt/storage you fancy) and it has a keyboard. Albeit one best used by filing your fingertips to points.
Over 6,000 people have already backed it on Kickstarter. Hardly iPhone numbers, but not nothing either. So why are thousands keen to party like it’s 2014, using devices seemingly built for permanently vexed executives?
Letters of intent
You can tell a lot about technology by the sort of people who use it. On that basis, QWERTY phones are tricky, because to talk to someone I know who uses one, I’d need a time machine. And if I had one of those, I’d long ago (or long into the future – time travel is weird) have pulled a Back to the Future II and retired early thanks to some light sports almanac shenanigans.
Fortunately, then, Unihertz has a promo video showcasing who uses this kind of phone – and why. Three totally-not-actors explain their love for their QWERTY wonder – and leave me wondering what the point is.
Serena, a musician, is first, and the least objectionable. She says she’s “always recording my practices and sending them off to friends and family”. Presumably whether they want them or not. She claims she does this using her Titan 2 Elite, because “if you want to be the best, you have to use the best”. Which makes me hope her music has more originality than her slogans.
Alas, it then gets much, much worse.
Business case
‘Business owner’ Michael claims he uses his Titan 2 Elite for “everything”, despite sitting behind a laptop display. “I can multitask with one hand,” he then says, thankfully while using the other hand to stir food in a pot rather than for something… else. “I can wind down with it,” he adds , before immediately humble-bragging that, thanks to the backlit screen, “there’s no slowing down, even as you burn the midnight oil”. Which is a curious definition of winding down. But, sure, if you want the perfect device for people who can’t stop posting garbage on LinkedIn, the Titan 2 Elite might be it.
Finally, there’s Jerry. Jerry is a tech enthusiast. Jerry also likes jogging and insists that “because life in the city is fast,” he needs a phone that can keep up. Hence his love for customisable buttons that launch any app and— Damn it, Jerry! That‘s actually quite good. It’s the sort of thing I have on my Mac with BetterTouchTool. For a fleeting moment, I’m almost on board.
But then Jerry ruins everything. With his thumb.
Key offender
He slides his digit across the keyboard, explaining that the Titan 2 Elite’s pseudo-trackpad mode lets him “scroll without my finger getting in the way of the screen”. Except his thumb obscures the screen anyway. And the screen is far smaller than a typical smartphone display, because the keyboard Jerry loves takes up so much space. Then he uses the “32MP front camera – for when you have to show off all your hard work” to take the most irritating selfie ever committed to silicon, thereby making me want to catapult him, his phone and quite possibly all 6,000 Titan 2 Elite buyers into a ravine.
What’s curious is that even for the “keys are good” crowd, the Titan 2 Elite might not be perfect. One backer – a long-time Titan user – asked in the crowdfunder’s comments whether the keyboard would be more durable this time. Because, after a couple of years, his Titan’s keys have started to lose their tactile feedback, stability and coating.
To be fair, my iMac keyboard is a disaster after a few years of use too, and so that’s hardly unique to Titan QWERTY phones. But it is a problem I’d never have on an iPhone, unless Apple started simulating wear and tear on its on-screen keys. Which, frankly, would be even madder than the mad people backing the Titan 2 Elite.
Craig Grannell
Contributor 
