Well, we say smartphone, when what we really mean is robot. A robot with a small screen embedded into its back and smartphone internals, to be more precise.
The RoboHon, announced last year, is finally landing on Japanese (where else) shelves, and it's got a hefty price tag to go with it - 198,000 Yen, or around £1300. Yikes.
RoboHon's built-in LTE antenna lets you make and receive calls as normal, though how you'd feel about talking away into a robot's crotch in public is a different matter entirely.
The rear screen lets users read messages too, though the little fellow will happily read them out for you if you're busy, before sending replies you've dictated to it. It's like having your own secretary, albeit one that's less than a foot tall with no pulse.
Naturally, RoboHon will dance along with you at parties, while its built-in eye cameras snaps photos and shoots videos to s̶e̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶S̶k̶y̶n̶e̶t̶ ̶a̶s̶ ̶a̶ ̶r̶e̶c̶o̶r̶d̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶w̶e̶a̶k̶n̶e̶s̶s̶e̶s̶ play back to you later, courtesy of a built-in 720 projector. Neat.
Oh, and according to the rather insane video above (which is well worth watching, trust us), it'll also tell you how much it loves you when it senses periods of emotional distress.