Where’s the funeral?
No, this one is not black like mourning, it’s black like smash through a window and free your hostages. It’s the latest of Victorinox’s roughty-toughty INOX watches, which have to pass over 130 stress tests before they are released. This one has a new murdered-out carbon composite body that promises two essential characteristics for your SAS-type action man: extreme structural rigidity and strong hypoallergenic properties.
Because nothing puts you off a hot extraction more than an itchy wrist.
Quite so. Speaking of which, the Naimakka strap is hand-wound from super-strong paracord – in times of trouble you can unwind it and use it to, you know, save the day. Say, if you forget your trouser belt. Or have to make an impromptu leash for an evil white cat.
Won’t my watch then fall off my wrist?
Not if you’re careful. Or, have foreseen this happenstance and brought with you the alternative rubber strap from the INOX Carbon’s presentation box.
And is the watch powered by a tiny fission engine, or some such Bondy nonsense?
No, by a humble battery – the thinking being that quartz movements are more impervious to bangs and knocks than fancy mechanicals. With the added bonus of keeping costs down. Even with its presentation box, spare strap and rubber case cover, the INOX Carbon costs just £795, surely attainable by even the most minimalist off-grid mercenary.