Stuff’s house band, Monochrome Battenberg, are yet to record our debut album. For some reason we’re lacking in a record contract. It could be something to do with the fact that we don’t actually have any songs yet, but I doubt it. Everyone knows being in a band is all about your look, the chicks and turning it up to 11. Music follows closely behind.
But in this age of the internet, who needs a record label? It’s easy to give your tunes away for free, but that ain’t gonna pay our bills, keep us stocked up on brown M&Ms or cover the obligatory spell in rehab is it?
That means 450,000 registered bands (450,001 when Battenberg gets its page up and running) can sell tracks directly from their pages to the eight million Bebo users in the UK, in a bid to hit the top of the charts.
Keep your eyes on the front pages of the music press for Monochrome Battenberg’s first single, our duet with side-project Monotonous Catamaran and the Unexpected Biscuits, the subsequent dispute over royalties, and finally a huge meltdown ending with my pursuit of a doomed solo career. Hey, at least we’ll have made a few quid.