Alternative Valentine’s Day gifts

Love it? Hate it? Or just want to get through it. Steady Cupid’s aiming arm with one of these

It’s the soppiest day of the year. The day you’re expected to buy some tasty soap and smelly chocolate. Or whichever way round it goes. Here’s a few better ideas to get you started. And not a pink gadget in sight…

Quirky – Sculpteo Mini You, £50

There are two ways you can play this – get a 3D model of the other half printed out and freak her (or him) out, or get one made of yourself and, well, freak out the other half. You’ll need a front and side shot of the head (think prison mugs) and a couple of days to get it posted.

App – SinglesAroundMe (iOS/BlackBerry), free

App Store, BlackBerry App World

Single man with BlackBerry seeks girl with iPhone but can’t find a dating app that works on both. SinglesAroundMe relies on real-time social networking (or flirting, as it used to be known) and works across both iPhone and BlackBerry platforms. Do try not to mention docking – that’s why you’re still single.

Sweet – Chocolate Pizza, £18

“When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore,” sang Dean Martin. But he was wrong – real love is a box of chocolate pizza. And not having to share it with anyone. We think…

Gadget – Lomography Diana Mini “Love is in the Air”, £100

Bit soppy, are we? Well, we did promise to avoid pink gadgets. But we didn’t say anything about baby blue gadgets with fluffy clouds on. Plus you could pull this out at a non-Valentine’s party without getting funny looks. Well, maybe…

Jewellery – My Last Rolo, from £40

Don’t fob off your significant other with the mouldy remnants of your Rolo tube. Get the better half a silver (or gold) Rolo, engraved with romantic messages, and watch as (s)he break his/her teeth on it. Any remaining chocs will be yours by default. Result…

Personal – We First Met Here Jigsaw, £30

Ah, the jigsaw… an aphrodisiac since time immemorial. No? Well, it is now. Assuming you were sober enough to remember where you met your other half, you can get one of these postcode-based puzzle maps. Not in the mood yet? It has “I love you” cut out of the middle of it. Who said there was no romance without finance?

Anti – Poo in a Box, £6

No one in their right mind really wants a box of poo on Valentine’s Day, do they? Especially elephant, rhino or reindeer poo? To soften the blow then, there are seeds thrown in to grow a rose, banana plant or – if you’re feeling really unseasonal – Christmas tree. Go on, get the tree… dare you.