3G iPhone week – Our dream keynote

With our recurring nightmares about a 3G iPhone-less WWDC too much to bear, we decided to conduct an experiment last night to make us feel better. Our

With our recurring nightmares about a 3G iPhone-less WWDC too much to bear, we decided to conduct an experiment last night to make us feel better.

Our San Francisco-bound honcho Tom Dunmore was strapped into a chaise longue and fed a soothing soundtrack of Apple fanboy hollering. As he entered delta sleep he started live blogging the following events. Could it be a premonition? Let’s hope so...

5.45pm We’re sat in the front row in the Moscone West Centre at WWDC 2008. Our goodie bag contains a free turtleneck jumper. It fits perfectly.

6.01pm Woah! In a very Spinal Tap moment, Steve Jobs has just flown onto the stage wearing a jet pack. There’s a large box under his arm. What’s in the box, Steve?!

6.03pm Every other journalist around us has mysteriously lost their internet connection. It’s pandemonium. Looks like we’re the only live feed from the event!

6.05pm Uh-oh, Steve Jobs has kicked things off by talking about software. Leopard and the iPhone’s OS are a revolutionary platform for developers and IT bods. But only when combined with awesome hardware like THIS – the 3G iPhone.

6.07pm The new iPhone is beautiful – slimmer by 3mm and almost entirely encased in anodized aluminium. Jobsy’s reeling off the specs – 32GB of storage, HSDPA, GPS with geotagging, 5MP camera, support for flash video and a non-recessed headphone jack. And, to quote, ‘it’s available worldwide tuh-day’!

6.09pm The 3G iPhone will be available in three colours – aluminium, a Project Red version and a WiMAX black model! And the battery life on all models will be boosted by the inclusion of an invisible solar panel under the screen. Genius!


6.11pm Next up is iTunes – it’s going DRM-free, starting a new subscription service and there’ll be over-the-air downloads on 3G. Oh, and Apple realizes it made a massive mistake with UK video download pricing – they’ll be reduced to 79p for a rental and £2 to buy.

6.14pm Jobs is pulling something else out of the box. Boom! It’s a MacBook Nano, very similar in design to Stuff’s mock-up. It runs Mac OS X Leopard, has a 64GB of flash memory and there’s an e-ink display on the back!

6.18pm It’ll come with a free subscription to the new version of .Mac – Mobile Me. This will provide push e-mail for the iPhone and over-the-air syncing for contacts and calendars.  

6.22pm  A deranged fanboy just darted onto the stage towards Jobs but was pole-axed by a man disguised as a chef. It’s Steven Seagal!

6.25pm Steve J has composed himself after that bizarre episode and moved onto Apple’s plans for OS X 10.6. They’ve decided against more cat-themed names like Lion or Lynx – it’ll be called Battenburg and will be out in January ’09.

6.37pm That’s it. Well, that was best keynote we’ve seen – an appearance from Seagal, a new cake-themed naming system for the Mac OS, a MacBook Nano and, of course, the 3G iPhone. We’re off to pick up our free 3G iPhone and MacBook Nano samples, and get our copy of Seagalology signed. Over and out.