So what will Apple be launching next week?

6) New Apple Watch bands

Apple says it’s going to loop us all in, which might suggest new Apple Watch bands, some of which are… loops! Tenuous? Perhaps. But it’d be a good way to bring back a touch of excitement to the original Apple Watch prior to its successor being unveiled.

Likelihood: 70%.

It’s hard to care about new watch straps, but we can nonetheless imagine Jony Ive overly earnestly talking at length about how magical they are, until our brains dribble out of our ears.

7) Some insight into Apple’s new home

Right now, Apple lives at 1 Infinite Loop, but its new home is taking shape. Perhaps the ‘loop’ in the event’s title will in part involve Apple talking about its colossal new spaceship campus.

Likelihood: 50%.

Apple’s new campus seems very much a secondary topic, but it’s one way to make sense of the invite pun. And perhaps it’s an actual spaceship. Now that really would be magical.