Sony's ridiculous OLED TVs don’t have a speaker

77-inch vibrator, Sir?

TVs are boring aren’t they?

Not Sony’s new Bravia OLED A1 TVs. Not by half. Aside from being Sony’s first ever OLEDs, they’re a big deal because they doesn’t actually have any speakers.

Is this like that time Apple took away the headphone socket from the iPhone?

Not quite. These sets have built-in Acoustic Surface technology, which creates sound from inside the TV screen through vibrations. This means speech can emanate from the part of the screen where an actor is speaking or a gust of wind through a window can whizz across your living room. It’s amazing, and a bit mad.

Will they actually sound any good though?

Sony’s saying the A1s are its ‘best sounding TVs ever’, which is quite the claim. Although it also says you can use them with a soundbar or traditional surround sound setup if you want.

So you're basically buying a 77in Rampant Rabbit, then?

We’re not sure these qualify for “most obscure marital aid” just yet, but there’s no denying the A1 Series has the looks to set pulses racing. With a near bezel-less design, there’s going to be nothing to distract you from what’s on-screen. That includes a stand, too.

Sony’s convinced you’re going to want to wall-mount this thing, but that doesn't mean the traditional stand has been jetissoned. It comes with one hidden at the back, just in case you don’t fancy gouging massive holes in your living room walls, but you’ve got to admit - it looks pretty monolithic from the front.

What about the picture?

Who cares? We're talking about a vibrating TV here.

But seriously…

These do all the good stuff. That means 4K, HDR, Sony’s latest X1 Extreme processor and they run on Google's Android TV OS, which is apparently still going. Who knew? 

Alright, when can I put one in my boudoir? Er, I mean living room?

No word on an official launch date just yet - Sony does like to tease us. Saucy. Expect them to arrive mid-way through 2017 in 77, 65 and 55-inch incarnations, and expect to need a hefty chunk of change to be able to afford one when it does.