So what will Apple be launching today?

5) A slightly better iTunes

In an interview with Daring Fireball’s John Gruber, Apple’s Craig Federighi teased a “new refresh” of iTunes, which would make it “even easier to use in the music space”. iTunes updates have for a long time felt like Apple rearranging deckchairs, so it’ll be interesting to see what changes are in store.

We’ve long hoped Mac and Windows would get an iOS-style suite of smaller apps with less complexity, but imagine there’ll instead just be more papering over the cracks, iTunes continuing to struggle in being everything to everyone for a wide range of functionality.

Likelihood: 25%.

It might get a mention and the odd slide, but we don’t see iTunes taking centre stage at an Apple event that includes new iPhones and iPads.

6) New Apple Watch bands

Apple says it’s going to loop us all in, which might suggest new Apple Watch bands, some of which are… loops! Tenuous? Perhaps. But it’d be a good way to bring back a touch of excitement to the original Apple Watch prior to its successor being unveiled.

Likelihood: 70%.

It’s hard to care about new watch straps, but we can nonetheless imagine Jony Ive overly earnestly talking at length about how magical they are, until our brains dribble out of our ears.

7) Some insight into Apple’s new home

Right now, Apple lives at 1 Infinite Loop, but its new home is taking shape. Perhaps the ‘loop’ in the event’s title will in part involve Apple talking about its colossal new spaceship campus.

Likelihood: 50%.

Apple’s new campus seems very much a secondary topic, but it’s one way to make sense of the invite pun. And perhaps it’s an actual spaceship. Now that really would be magical.