That really important thing that needs doing? Yeah, that’s not going to happen, because we’ve rounded up the finest browser games around, and they’re all free.
Many are HTML5-based and need a decent browser (Chrome’s a good bet), and some still need Flash. All are entertaining to the level you’ll set fire to your Xbox and live life entirely inside a browser.
Oh, all right, they’re not quite that good, but if you can’t waste an insane number of hours playing these fab games, it must be because you hate fun itself.
Additional words by Sam Kieldsen
Abobo’s Big Adventure
A glowing, nostalgia-fuelled NES tribute, Abobo’s Big Adventure stars a forgotten face of the 8-bit era: the eponymous Abobo. This muscle-bound hulk from Double Dragon sets out to rescue his son, mostly by punching people in the face.
The visuals are suitably old-school and there are loads of cameos from classic titles. It plays well, too, hurling you back to a halcyon era of beat ’em ups with a smattering of platform action, and a splattering of pixelated gore.
Alter Ego isn’t pretty – visually or in terms of content. This browser-based remake of an ancient PC game deals with progress through everyday life. It’s as far from The Sims as you can imagine, too – instead of cute little idiots blundering about, you get stark icons and multiple-choice text.
But there’s depth, with a clever (if admittedly slightly conservative) script written by a psychologist, which offers branching progress that could lead you to a happy old age or abruptly dying as a toddler, having necked some bleach found under the sink.
Coma somewhat echoes indie classic Limbo in art style and the ‘find your lost sibling’ plot, but is a much swifter game to play (in every sense). The protagonist scoots about at speed, leaping about the landscape, as you figure out how to complete the puzzles that unlock further areas to explore. Chances are, you’ll be done within 20 minutes or so – but short and sweet’s perfectly fine for a browser game. It’s not like you paid 50 quid for this one on your console.
Originally a hit on mobile, Contre Jour loses a little of its tactile qualities and immediacy in the browser — but none of its charm. The aim is to guide cycloptic blob Petit to the exit in each single-screen level, manipulating the local environment to do so. You warp the ground to roll him about, swing Petit around via springy ropes, and catapult him across the screen (and, frequently, into painful spikes) using tiny trampolines.
It’s hard to know what to make of Cookie Clicker. On one hand, it’s essentially a Skinner box, rewarding players with nothing in particular in return for them clicking like crazy. But it also appears to be an amusing satire on the state of modern ‘idle’ gaming.
Initially, you click and you get a cookie. The more cookies you have, the more power-ups you can afford, including cursors that click on your behalf. Eventually, you’re using time machines to bring cookies from the past, “before they were even eaten”, and converting raw light into cookies with giant prisms, to bring in millions of cookies per second. To what end? Stuff’s not sure, but currently has 509 billion cookies in a really big plastic box if you fancy one.