5 of the best bling smartphones

If you're an oligarch or a dictator, these "luxury" handsets are the perfect bits of tasteless tech for you – they'll go nicely with that golden pistol

Vertu Constellation £3800

Vertu's latest handset will please the fashion brigade with its alligator-skin back and 3.5in AMOLED screen protected by Sapphire Crystal. It also comes with a highly customised Symbian OS and 8MP camera. And the extras are insane – access to member's clubs, a sommelier on hand for wine emergencies and personal concierge service. Suddently Siri looks a bit shabby.

Billionaire Toys iPhone 4S £3800

Behold the gold iPhone – yes, you can get an iPhone 4S from around £500 at the moment but multiply that by eight and you can upgrade to this bad boy. There are only 1000 of these ridiculous, gaudy things going into production, sporting 24ct gold and crystals around the frame and on the accompanying earphones. Of course, the diamond version is coming soon.

Tag Heuer Link £4,300 - £16,350

Fans of Tag watches will appreciate details like the wheel on the side of the Link – it opens up to reveal your SIM card and ports. And anyone can see straight off that you aren't getting an iPhone-alike – there are exposed screws, angled corners and an alligator-skin option. The personal touch stretches to a curated app store called SoApps. Like a lot of these luxury phones, you're not paying for specs – you get Android 2.2 and a 5MP camera.

Mobiado Grand 350 Aston Martin £2,500 

Based on the Nokia E71, this Android phone keeps it real with gunmetal stainless steel buttons, inlaid sapphire crystal and an anodised aluminium build. There's a 2.36in display and microSD slot but otherwise Mobiado are being a little tight-lipped on the specs. Ah well, the Aston Martin logo will distract us.

 

Æsir Yves Béhar £6,300

Edge to edge keys will have passers-by in the street eyeing you up to see if they can take you down and grab your Yves Béhar designed Æsir phone. Yes, the screen is only 2in but the Æsir has an ultra-gloss, scratch-resistant ceramic top half plus bespoke icons in the UI. And Æsir reckons there's even superior "voice performance" – lucky since you can barely do anything else besides chat.

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