The Queen's speech
Rumour has it the Queen's speech will be broadcast in 3D this Christmas. But why? Will Her Maj lob a Corgi at the screen to keep Grandad awake? Do the producers think it might stop people watching Toy Story 3 on the other side? As with money and stamps, we like our monarchs in 2D, thank you.
Scientists have been trying to make smell-o-vision a thing for ages. But no one's buying it. Why? Because smells can be pretty offensive. That didn't stop the producers of Embarrassing Bodies successfully pitching a show based on the grotesque end of the human body spectrum. But in 3D? Pass the bucket.
More after the break...
The National Lottery
Televised bingo never took off. Not even the prospect of winning a life-changing amount of cash could keep a show based around numbered balls popping out of a machine interesting. Nor can any number of sideshows tacked on in a desperate bid to distract people from the terrifyingly poor odds. And 3D won't work either.
Aircraft safety videos
You don't watch the safety video for two reasons. 1. You've seen it countless times before. 2. In the event of an emergency, you – and everyone else on board – will run around panicking for the few remaining seconds of your life. Doing 3D safety vids would change nothing.
Rolf Harris used to do fun things like drawing cartoons on TV and making records with novelty 'instruments'. How he washed up watching vets put their fingers up animals' bottoms we don't know. What we do know is that Animal Hospital 3D would be DOA.