Wh-… how did you get in my house?
It was a simple matter of picking the lock and disabling the alarm. How else am I supposed to?
I brought presents!
I don’t want any presents from you… what presents?
Ball-bearings. Throw them all over the floor and it converts all your chairs to roller chairs!
You’re ludicrous. What’s the other present?
It’s your weekly list of everything you need to check out this weekend. Also, here’s some biscuits.
Thanks, mate! I like a Rich Tea. Let’s do the list!
Play: Battlefield 1 (PC, PS4, Xbox One)
Marrying WW1’s horrific bloodiness and moral ambiguity with great gameplay is a tough ask. But Battlefield 1 has done it. Stomach-churningly savage, with spectacular set-pieces and truly affecting gameplay.
Watch: Predator (Netflix)
Proper Arnie. He’s got muscles, and he makes corny wisecracks after killing people, and it’s got Apollo Creed, and that bit where he says “The CIA got you pushing too many pencils?”, and that one who says he ain’t got time to bleed, and that clicky Predator noise, and we’re just going to go and watch it now.
Listen: The Naked Scientists podcast
Hosted by Dr Chris Smith – consultant virologist and lecturer at Cambridge University – this weekly podcast is bang up to date with the latest science news. It’s exactly the right length for the daily commute, and you don’t need a PhD to understand it.
Download: Truck Simulator Offroad 2
Classic “have they really made a sim out of this?!” fare. But this one takes you off-road on rescue missions in a variety of vehicles ranging from 4x4s to crazy tank-like things with cranes. Weirdly compelling.
Want to learn a new language? This helps you do that. There are tons to choose from, and its makers claim that 34 hours of practice using this app is the equivalent of an entire semester at uni. Also, no tuition fees. Yay!
Listen: Lady Gaga – Joanne
That awkward fifth album? Well, judging by the list of collaborations – including Beck, Florence out of Florence And The Machine, Father John Misty and Mark Ronson – and the fact that she’s gone back to her earlier style, Lady Gaga has put this one in a good place.
Try: Razor Crazy Cart Shift
The box says it’s for ages 8 and up. So technically that makes this crazy drifting go-kart fine for anyone over 8, right? Like, maybe 28? Or 48? Yeah, that’s what we thought. This thing is ace – it’s like being a tiny Ken Block.