“Hello again” says Apple on its October 2016 keynote page, featuring an Apple logo we’re hoping is meant to be painterly rather than on fire.
Watch the stream at 6pm on 27 October, and follow all the action here on Stuff. But first read our predictions, as plucked with panache from our infallible guessing hat.
A new MacBook Pro
We’ve written plenty about the new MacBook Pro. If the rumours are true, it’ll have Touch ID, a context-sensitive OLED strip in place of function keys, as many as four USB-C ports (but no old-school ones), and could continue Apple’s quest to eradicate the headphone port from existence.
Likelihood: About as nailed-on as most of the internet claiming Apple is doomed when it doesn’t announce all the crazy stuff on their own wish-lists. (Apart from the headphone port bit.)
It feels like aeons have passed since we last saw an iMac refresh, and rumours point to new ones having optional AMD graphics chips and some spec bumps. Which we admit isn’t terribly thrilling, so we’ll say we’ve heard they’ll also arrive with natty knitted hats.
Likelihood: We’re not going to joke about this one, because we really want a new iMac. And a knitted hat. So, er, 73 per cent.
New other Macs
It’s been ages since Apple’s other Macs were updated, too. The MacBook Air frets that the MacBook stole its thunder. The Mac mini sits unloved, as PC equivalents blaze past. The Mac Pro wishes everyone would let up with the waste bin jokes. We’ve heard rumblings about a MacBook Air bump. The others? Tumbleweeds. Sorry, Mac Pro. Apple doesn’t love you any more.
Likelihood: For all of them happening at once, about the same as Tim Cook renaming the Apple Event ‘Timmy Time’ and spending an hour on stage doing backflips. For just a MacBook Air refresh? About the same as Siri getting directions right first time.
A new Apple display
Once, you could hook up a lovely Apple display to your lovely Mac. Now, you must hook up clearly horrible displays with entirely the wrong logos emblazoned on the front. So we want the iMac’s 5K display – but without the iMac. Rumours say: possibly. At some point. Perhaps. Ish. As they have now for years. Sigh.
Likelihood: Slightly less than Apple pivoting to the juice business. (Prove us wrong, Apple. Please.)
With Airs and minis last updated two years back, they’re due a spec bump, and the gigantic flavour of iPad Pro needs to match its smaller sibling for specs. Unexciting changes, to be sure, but it’d be a welcome aside among the flurry of Mac news. Unless Phil Schiller turns to the camera, twirls his moustache (grown specially for the occasion) and says, menacingly: “We removed headphone ports from iPads, too!”
Likelihood: About the same as leaving your iPad in your backpack with some keys and it not getting scratched.
A new cheap Apple TV
With Apple having recently squeezed the life out of the third-gen Apple TV, there’s space in the line-up for a cheaper one, unless Apple’s planning on ceding the lower-end telly space to the Amazon Fires of this world. An entirely new model’s unlikely, but how about a spec bump/price drop super combo?
Likelihood: About as much as us picking up the Siri Remote and it actually being the right way up.