IPHONE WEEK: Stuff's Top 10 iPhone secrets

1. It can turn you into a Jedi The iPhone is a key step in your journey from Padawan to Knight as long as you download the (Apple not approved) iSaber

1. It can turn you into a Jedi The iPhone is a key step in your journey from Padawan to Knight as long as you download the (Apple not approved) iSaber app. Then go out and do battle with Sith Jobs.2. It could help you learn FrenchIf you hanker for an unlocked iPhone, head to France. Only issue is that ‘l’iPhone’ only understands French. The chic continent-o-phone will come with a superior dress sense and White Flag app (patent pending) and then pronounce you unsophisticated and gauche and run off with your girlfriend/boyfriend/cat. 3. You may develop obsessive compulsive disorder with itIn a phenomenon scientists are already calling the ‘iPhone Paradox’ early adopters have spontaneously combusted when faced with the choice between showing off the multi-touch interface and getting smudges on their shiny new toy.4. It will stop you kissingThe iPhone doesn’t do video. This is a preventative measure to stop YouTube crashing after millions of people upload vids of themselves kissing and cuddling their new phones. But it does have a dedicated YouTube app, so you’ll be able to download movies of O2 and Steve Jobs frolicking in a swimming pool filled with gold and diamonds. 5. But it won’t stop single-handed funYou’re able to use the iPhone one-handed for many functions, which’ll come in handy on those long, lonely winter nights.

6. It will mark you out – but maybe not in the way you wantIn a bid to help muggers, Apple has confirmed the iPhone headphones will come in a totally different shade of white to the traditional iPod earpieces. The difference may not be visible to the eyes of law-abiding humans, but we’re assured criminals will be able to differentiate between the shades to spot the product they want to pinch. 7. You’ll lose yourself in its media for literally an hourIt’s fully compatible with iTunes, opening your iPhone up to an endless world of multimedia including four – yes, four – major TV drama series. Hmm – don’t give up that DVD collection just yet.8. It may save you from tiger attacksThe touchscreen is completely scratchproof, as seen on don’t-try-this-at-home videos on YouTube. So if you do come under attack from a very small tiger, use your iPhone as a shield and it won’t even bear any scars. It’s just theory but it’s got to be right.9. It can travel through TimeThe iPhone was voted ‘Invention Of The Year’ by Time magazine; the same magazine that voted ‘you’ as the person of the year in 2006 by putting a mirror on the cover. See what it did there? So if you put both covers facing each other the iPhone will travel forever through Time. Do you see?10. It will cuddle you and wuv you forever and ever. The iPhone’s multi-touch interface was recently voted Loveliest Thing In the World Ever by a panel of expert judges, narrowly edging out kittens, profiteroles and TV’s Holly Willoughby to take the title.