David Cameron's spent all day backtracking after a few ill-advised words to Christian O'Connell about Twitter. According to Cameron: "Too many twits might make a twat." But we think the leader of Her Majesty's Opposition is missing a trick. Here's our five reasons why he's a twit not to tweet…
1 He could Twitpic those pictures of him all dressed up with the Bullingdon Club
Cameron and his friends (including bumbling, mumbling Mr Magoo-like Mayor of London Boris Johnson) were member of Oxford University's notoriously badly behaved drinking society the Bullingdon Club.
A picture of the group in their finery popped up in 2007 but was later withdrawn. If Cameron was on Twitter, he could Twitpic it for all of us to see. Hell, why not upload some home videos to Twitvid?
2 He'd be able to bother Gordon Brown all day not just during their weekly bunfights during Prime Minister's Questions
@downingstreet tweets frequently about the goings on behind the famous black door. If Cameron did take up @davidcameron (an unofficial stream now shut down), he could wind up Gordon all day long. Perhaps he could retweet all of Brown's messages and add childish rejoinders: "…that's what she said", "chinny reckon" or simply "not!"
You can follow Cameron and Brown battling it out each Wednesday via @pmqs.
3 It'd be a better way of being down with the kids than saying he loves The Jam
Cameron's recent musical reference points seem as ridiculous as Gordon Brown's laughable professed love of Arctic Monkeys. Rather than trotting out The Jam and The Smiths as his favourites, he should follow Hype Machine's Twitter chart to see what other twitterers like at the moment.
"@davidcameron Loving Jay-Z's Run This Town. Watch out @downingstreet that'll be me in a few months."
4 Barack Obama might follow him or, if he's unlucky, Silvio Berlusconi
Barack Obama (or Barry as Cameron secretly wishes he was allowed to call him) marshalled thousands of supporters using Twitter. If Cameron was on Twitter, Obama might follow him, throwing his support behind the Conservatives with a virtual vote of confidence. Worst case scenario, Silvio Berlusconi might join and pop up like a leathery faced spam bot.
"@silvioBerlusconi Hey Dave, come to my pool parties. I got lots of nice girls coming."
5 He needn't bother publishing his expenses. He could just tweet when he buys something.
All that unpleasantness about expenses (which potty-mouthed DC says people are "pissed off" about) could have been totally avoided if Cameron had just told his MPs to tweet every time they bought something. The Twitter police would soon identify any infringements.
"@davidcameron Just bought some beef Hula Hoops with my tuckshop money…I mean food allowance. Far superior to cheese and onion"