When Stuff revealed to me the interview subject of this piece, I was shocked and genuinely intimidated.
How could I interview someone of such advanced intellect that he often seems utterly incompetent, a person bursting with talents so unique that to the untrained eye he appears to be a rank amateur at everything he attempts, a man with hair so flawed that it boggles the mind that he has made a career of modeling?
That’s right, Stuff readers— I, Jason Godfrey, have been tasked with interviewing myself, Jason Godfrey.
Stuff (JG): Let’s not waste time. People want to know, how geeky are you?
JG: Straight to the point! Look, I know being a geek has come into favour recently. It’s as cool to own up to being a geek as it is to rock a shaggy unkempt beard that looks like a nesting site for sparrows, but I’m sorry to disappoint you, I can’t grow such a beard and I am not a geek.
Stuff (JG): You’re not? Are you sure?
Jason Godfrey: I model, host, and write for work. In my spare time, I dive shipwrecks and climb mountains, does that sound geeky to you?
Stuff (JG): Maybe not on the surface. But don’t you have tens of thousands of baseball cards and comic books ranging from the Thundercats to Peter Porker the Spectacular Spider-Ham.
JG: Well, sure when I was a kid I collected that stuff and kept most of it. Thundercats is a classic now and really, Spider-Ham is yet to be rediscovered as a brilliant satirical take on the Spider-Man franchise. Give it time.
Stuff (JG): What about reports that for the entirety of your grade nine year in high school you were obsessed with Star Trek: The Next Generation, even fantasizing about what it would be like to don a one piece jumpsuit and be Wesley Crusher (played by Wil Wheaton?
JG: How do you know about that?
Stuff (JG): I have my sources.
JG: (Pausing) Again, I don’t know what bearing my alleged love of Star Trek: TNG has to do with anything.
Stuff (JG): Pfft! Alleged. You once stated that your character in Mata Mata was based on studying Jonathan Frakes’ William Riker in Star Trek: TNG.
JG: I don’t remember saying that.
Stuff (JG): I remember, how would you know who Jonathan Frakes was since he did absolutely nothing after his stint on Star Trek?
JG: Anyway, that was a long time ago, even if I did like Star Trek back then, things change. That would have no bearing on me being a geek now.
More after the break...
Stuff (JG): Do you currently read any comic books?
Stuff (JG): Then what about this Comixology account where you apparently ordered back issues of every title in the fan-maligned Marvel Ultimate Universe?
JG: It’s a realistic revisioning of the classic Marvel characters. Most of the current films were based on these comics, I was just curious.
Stuff (JG): Or your purchase of a comic named Action Philosophers that puts in comic form the lives of great thinkers like Socrates and Ayn Rand?
JG: It seemed like a good way to learn about philosophy! How do you have access to my Comixology account?!?
Stuff (JG): And you don’t think reading comics about philosophers is a sign of geek-dom?
Stuff (JG): What about your love of video games?
Stuff (JG): Yes, but a WW2 game called Company of Heroes 2? It’s not exactly a sexy first-person shooter, is it?
JG: Well, it’s strategy.
Stuff (JG): Or how about your love of the Xcom turn-based strategy series?
JG: I don’t know even know what turn-based means.
Stuff (JG): Oh you don’t? You don’t have a long love of turn-based strategy games starting with Jagged Alliance 2—a title you liked so much that you modded a version going so far as to get your father, best friend, and yourself to voice new characters for it?
JG: You can’t prove that.
Stuff (JG): And if I could, would that make you a geek?
Stuff (JG): (Pounds fist on table) Would that make you a geek?
JG: (standing up) This interview is over!
Stuff (JG): One last thing, Mr. Godfrey. Even if you ignore the overwhelming evidence presented here of your geekiness, did you or did you not just spend the last hour interviewing yourself?
JG: Well… I….
Stuff (JG): It’s a yes or no question.
JG: I…I… (breaking down) Yes! Yes, it’s all true. All of it, even the Wil Wheaton stuff, and he was never cool but I just wanted to know what it would be like to be friends with Picard.