Jason Godfrey: 10 ways to game in peace without the girfriend
Model, presenter, actor and avid gamer Jason Godfrey shares your woes and offers up some creative solutions to be rid of the girlfriend's nagging about your all-day gaming habits.
Or at least, tips that work in theory.
"I mean really, there is no way to game around your girlfriend unless she's dead," deadpans Jason.
Disclaimer: Neither Jason nor the editorial team at Stuff.tv are responsible for any potential break-ups or couch-sleeping.
1) Harness the addictive power of episodic TV
Harness the addictive power of episodic TV
"Have you ever been so hooked onto a TV show, binge-watching episode after episode, only to realise in shock that entire days have passed and you barely noticed?
Use this! Go against every manly instinct and acquire full seasons of Girls, Gossip Girl, or any other show that has pink detailing on the cover and 'girl' in the title. Leave them for your girlfriend to ‘discover’, at which point she’ll be compelled to watch.
As these programs are so emasculating that only the most merciless of women will force you to sit through them, you are most likely free to game away."
2) Get a Worse Hobby
Get a Worse Hobby
"Everything is relative. Sure, gaming irritates your girl and fuels her inner fear that you’re an immature man child that will never provide for a family.
But what if you become an alcoholic or obsessive compulsive yodeler? Or worse, an obsessive compulsive yodeling alcoholic? She would long for the days when all you did was sit on the couch with a controller in hand and gave your testicles pins and needles. Rock a worse hobby! Stamp collecting, play the harmonica, watch all the Monty Python movies at once.
She’ll be on the ropes in no time, and you’ll be back where you belong - on the couch."
3) MAKE her love video games
MAKE her love video games
"Do away with thoughts of introducing your girl to Harvest Moon or whatever games you're playing, she's never going to like video games of her own volition.
That’s why I said make. Brainwashing carries such negative connotations, think of it as classical conditioning. Ask her to hold your controller before eating and get her to interact in some minimal way with the game. Follow up by giving her food and repeat the process. Soon she will associate playing video games with sustenance, and find herself unconsciously drawn to gaming.
It worked for Pavlov and his dogs. Just don’t be surprised if The Hague comes calling to charge you with crimes against humanity."