Studio Total's 1600 watt Wall of Sound (WOS) 2.0 iPhone speaker dock is so delightfully insane, we're not quite sure where to begin.
Let's start with the obvious. It's big. Very big. It's a 1 metre by 1.7 metre handmade-in-Sweden behemoth, and it'll pulverise your bathroom scales to dust with its 178kg weight.
That, according to Wikipedia, means that the WOS 2.0 is heavier than the average weight of a female inland North American grizzly bear. Isn't learning fun?
The WOS 2.0 houses 44 separate speaker elements, two beefy subs and a tube amp for richer, warmer sounds.
Oh, and a volume dial that actually does go up to 11. For reals.
That's around eight times more elements than any other speaker on the market and the whole system can reach 130dB, which is apparently "as loud as an F-15 jet with its afterburners on at 100 metres". Because we all know what that sounds like, right?
According to our rough calculations, all that power is enough to blow the beard off a seasoned lumberjack when you crank the volume up.
"But Stuff", we hear you cry, "What of the children? Little Timmy's precious ears will bleed all over our new white alpaca carpet".
Well, you see, that's where the monkey head comes in.
Er… Monkey Head?
Yes, monkey head. The WOS 2.0 has a built-in monkey head. With glowing eyes. For safety.
The monkey's eyes normally glow bright blue, but cranking up the volume to eardrum-splitting levels will turn them a menacing red, scarring your children and setting them up for a lifetime of zoophobia therapy sessions.
But why a monkey?
Well, creator Studio Total states that "there's no specific reason as to why there's a monkey on top of the WOS 2.0".
Well, we're glad that's all cleared up then.
The WOS 2.0 features Wi-Fi, Bluetooth and direct Spotify streaming for cable-free listening, and there's also a rather attractive companion app which offers music controls and equaliser settings.
Killing off your cochlea hairs from the comfort of your couch has never been easier.
You want one, don't you?
Look at those eyes. Don't fight them. Don't disappoint them. Of course you want one.
It's a huge speaker with a glowing primate head after all, with enough power to (quite literally) bring down your house.
If that doesn't get your gadget juices flowing, we don't know what will.
Head on over to Indiegogo now, where you can reserve your very own WOS 2.0 speaker for a mere US$7,000.
And if that's too dear then you can fork out US$200 for one of 50 raffle tickets for a chance to win one.
Maybe little Timmy can keep his college fund after all...