Icon – Acoustic Signature Ascona turntable

If you're going to listen to an LP, do it in style. Preferably on something that's worth more than your car

Whatever that is, it looks stunning

Come now, you can't fool us, we know how old you are. You're right though, Acoustic Signature's new 15th anniversary Ascona turntable does indeed look eye-gasmic.

Yes, but how does it sound?

As good as it looks, thanks to some legendary German engineering and precision to detail. Weighing in at a whopping 80KG and featuring a 50mm thick solid aluminium platter with a 350mm diameter, the Ascona also has solid brass silencer inserts to reduce any pesky resonance. Chuck in some ultra-low noise and low friction self-lubricating bronze inserts and you have yourself a turntable that will be spinning records perfectly, long after you've passed on.

Charming. I'm scared to ask how mu–

US$34,000, and not a penny less. Unless your negotiating skills are particularly persuading that is. Sure you could just stick to your iPod, or you can take out a second mortgage and treat your ears and eyes to some class. Just remember to get a sound system to go along with it, lest you end up with a very expensive potter's wheel. You silly goose you.

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