8 gadgets to help you survive a Halloween Zombie Apocalypse
Because the undead really don’t like pumpkins
“It’s halloweeeeen!” says the spooky voice. “Boo,” say you.
OK, so the annual dress-up extravaganza might not always be the scare-fest you hope for – unless you find smeared face paint and ripped linen utterly terrifying – but that doesn’t mean you should let your guard down.
All it takes is one rogue allergen or mutant mouse to make a break from the nearby lab and you’ve got yourself an All Hallows’ Eve zombie apocalypse.
Thankfully, with our list of the top tech to take on the undead roamers moaning for your flesh, you should be plenty prepared to survive the horder and hide out ‘til it’s over. Put down that pedometer: we won’t need fitness bands where we’re going.
1. Pixel practice
Practice makes perfect, or so the old adage goes. And, while there’s nothing perfect about your nearest and dearest being consumed by rapacious roamers from the netherworld, digesting a box set of The Walking Dead will stand you in good stead for when they come to your door.
If you can somehow get your blood-stained mitts on an HTC Vive and give its zombie game Arizona Sunshine a go you’ll be more than used to fighting off virtual face-eaters in your living room by the time there are real face-eaters in your living room.
If you can’t – and, given that HTC hasn’t launched Vive yet, that’s quite likely – settling down for a Saturday of Rick Grimes goring some gnawers will do just fine. Or flick on World War Z, if you can’t stand the talkie bits.
2. Two-wheeled transport
Now that you’re clued up on what it takes to survive the fall of society as we know it, it’s time to run away. Or, cycle, as the case may be. Sure, it might not be the bravest move, but, where corpses hungry for human heads are concerned, defence is the best offence. And the best defence is a quiet, pedal-powered one.
A good ol’ bicycle might not offer much protection in close quarters, but it’s virtually silent, easy to hide and doesn’t need petrol or power. Perfect. Got yourself a 3D printer? You could have a go at printing an MX-6 titanium two-wheeler, just like Empire Cycles did. Alternatively, if you happen to inhabit a boggy bit of beach, the Juggernaut is a three-wheeled trundler that’ll cover almost any ground.
3. Tent protection
Phew. What a ride. Now that you’ve found somewhere remote to hunker down and weather the stalking storm you’ll be wanting some canvas to kip under.
And they don’t come much better than Heimplanet’s Cave. The last thing you want to be worrying about during an October-fest of flesh-eating monsters is where you left the tent poles, which is why the Cave’s ‘airbeams’ are ideal: inflated in under a minute and super strong thanks to multi-chamber tech, this is a puncture-proof solution for rapid shelter seekers. It also looks awesome.
How to source an apocalypse bunker
1. Build your own
You can do the DIY yourself, or you can buy into American Safe Room‘s Underground Blast Resistant/Fallout Shelter System – complete with all the fixtures, fittings and instructions you could ever need. Now you just need to dig a ruddy big hole.
2. Buy one on ebay
In 2010, a Cold War nuclear bunker on a Derbyshire hillside was auctioned off on ebay for £20,000. Sure, it only had two rooms and a chemical toilet, but luxuries included a phone line, enamel bucket and a rope. Lush.
3. Hide inside a bouncy castle
The Temet LSS-80 is billed as rapidly deployable protection for Nuclear, Biological and Chemical threats. With room for six people and a positive pressure system to kep the tent inflated, it’s a real nasty-proof nest.
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4. Cooking with logs
Sound asleep and far from danger, suddenly you wake. Have you been bitten? Are you one of the undead? No – but you’re so famished that you might as well be. You haven’t seen a Maccies for months.
When it comes to the apocalypse, self-sufficiency is key – which is why Biolite’s Campstove is your best friend. Forget fuel: this backpack-friendly burner runs on just about anything you can find lying around – think sticks, pine cones and leaves.
Best of all, it’s no bigger than a water bottle and weighs just 935g. Sadly, it won’t catch your dinner for you. Better get whittling that stick.
Buy the Biolite Campstove here
Cooking in calmer times › 6 instant upgrades for your BBQ
5. Power-up
Survival is a lonely game, but, chances are, at least a few fellow humans will make it through the rising of the undead – and you’ll want to be listening when they try to make contact.
Eton’s Solarlink is a 17cm-high rugged radio good for AM, FM and seven shortwave channels. It’s solar powered, so no need to worry about running low on juice, and can illuminate your post-apocalypse life with 4 LEDs whilst charging your phone.
Worried the UK’s cloud cover will put paid to your powered-up plans? There’s also a hand-crank for carryaround cell-filling.
Bedtime reading
The Zombie Survival Guide by Max Brooks
Penned by the bloke behind World War Z, this is the original companion to surviving the undead – and the best. From getaway techniques to DIY shelters, if it’ll save your skin, Brooks has it covered. Perfect for your post-apocalypse downtime.
The Mercedes-Benz of batteries › Mercedes’ 2.5kWh battery packs
6. Eyes in the sky
Now that you’re packing power, you’ll be able to recharge a dinky drone. In the battle against the flesh-eaters, knowledge is power – and surveying the terrifying terrain from 50ft in the air is pretty great, as knowledge goes.
Micro Drone 3.0 is tiny enough to go unnoticed by the hungry hoards as it streams 720p footage back to your smartphone via the included VR headset, whilst the optional gimbal arm will keep those deadly scouting shots perfectly steady.
7. Tooled to the hilt
Sadly, whilst seeing for miles might mean you spot your adversaries coming, it also means you’ll spot your adversaries coming. Panic! Scream! Run!
No, quiet down. Whilst hiding is preferable, sometimes hand-to-dead person combat is unavoidable – and, for when that situation arises, Zippo’s Woodsman is a superb choice for serving up some killer swings.
This 4-in-1 tool goes from saw to axe to hammer to hook in less time than it takes to say “Oh my god, zombies!” Close-quarters slashing isn’t pretty, but the Woodsman’s steel should be apt to slice down the undead with ease, saving you the space and weight of your full armory. And, once you’ve made your escape, it makes light work of firewood.
8. Quench and drench
Phew: after all that swinging and hacking you’ll no doubt have worked up quite a sweat – but clean water, like a really cheap Apple product, is rare.
How can you be sure that the H2O you gulp down isn’t riddled with zombie lurgies? A Steripen Adventurer Opti, that’s how. This pocket-sized purifier zaps the germs from your quenching acqua in seconds using UV smarts and is good for 8,000 treatments – by which time you’ll hopefully have rigged up a Heath Robinson rainwater refreshment system. Or be drinking your wee.
Chris Rowlands
Freelance contributor 
